Saturday, July 30, 2022

Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer

The Time Paradox (Artemis Fowl, #6)
A Very Spoilery Review
Originally Posted on GoodReads: July 30, 2022


This story is bloated and hard to talk about without spoilers. This review, therefore, contains spoilers.

It really feels like Colfer was “padding the runtime” with bad coincidence after bad coincidence. And, as though all of that were not enough, he brings back Opal Koboi from before she attempted her coup and destruction of Haven. Just… ugh. About halfway through the book and I was just so done. Kept pushing til about three-quarters of the way through… and no. Just… no. Ended up skipping part of a chapter. Things got better after that. Seriously, the middle of this book dragged so, so much. Like the middle of a 24 episode TV series.

Everyone’s back in this adventure, even if some are basically their younger selves instead of our friends at this point. The time travel element is a mostly closed loop. Really the only issue left hanging is Opal, unless you count Angeline Fowl, which I don’t really see as an issue. Might be a bit of an issue for Artemis, but that’s really just as well.

I’m not sure how I feel about Artemis’ new brothers. Apparently they’ve got their own little spin-off books, which I won’t be reading. The boys were sweet together in their scene at the beginning, so that was nice, I guess.

I really didn’t like the sudden Artemis/Holly romantic thing that is apparently developing… she’s still way older than him and I think if they end up pursuing this nonsense further, it’ll be a detriment to the series. Honestly, I would like it if Artemis were Ace, but that’s obviously not going to happen so… yeah. Their mutual fixation on the kiss is dumb and I hate it.

The Extinctionists. I fucking hated this part of the story. It’s really the absolute worst and felt like it went on FOREVER. This is really the bit I should have skipped. Kronski reminded me of a drag version of Donald Trump. It was gross. Really should have been substantially cut down. Maybe told from Holly’s POV to just get it over with. Also, we get is Colfer, these people are super stupid rich people with nothing better to do. You could have made your point without being gratuitous about it. I’m not saying not to be political, but seriously… too long, too much.

Seeing Artemis acting without Butler for much of this book just hammers home the fact that Butler is really unnecessary for the job he’s apparently in. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an alright character, but there have been two books where he’s completely taken out and Artemis manages to get along just fine. Now, the boy needs to step up his cardio and combat training, but yeah. Butler mainly just stands around being tall and apparently suuuper dangerous, with the odd conscience-like comment to Artemus. Really, he acts more like a trusted accomplice than a bodyguard. He really spends more time staking out locations and sniping than he does actually guarding Artemis.

I’m not looking forward to The Atlantis Complex mainly due to Opal most likely being the villain again. She’s gone from being kinda quirky to outright annoying. None of what she did in this book spoke to that genius she had before. Also, I feel like her fixation on magic in The Time Paradox is at odds with her earlier (or later, as the case may be) motivations. Actually felt out of character for her. They are going to have to figure out how to pop her back into her proper moment in the time stream at some point, which definitely won’t go well… yeah, not looking forward to the next one, but here we go…

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