The Flash (2023)

The other day, my boyfriend decided he was going to watch The Flash despite basically hearing that it was a dumpster fire and, ya know, despite the whole Ezra Miller thing. If you hadn't heard, it turns out Ezra Miller is a trash human being. He also, if you didn't know, is the star of The Flash. So anyway, we sat down to watch The Flash. I had zero problems with this because I have historically actually enjoyed a lot of "trash fire" "genre" movies. And yes, "genre" is in quotes because frickin everything's a "genre" and calling Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Super Hero movies "genre" is just dumb.

So anyway, we watched The Flash and... it's not that bad actually. The following review contains spoilers. You've been warned.

Not gonna lie, I think the fact that we watched it in the comfort of our own home with the ability to both pause and talk over it made it more fun that it might have been otherwise. I dunno, because I watched it the way I watched it. There were parts where I had to explain to the perpetually drunk man because he'd zoned out or something... and there were a couple parts we "rewound" for funsies or clarification. But yeah, we had a lot of fun.

That being said, pretty much all the CG was a dumpster fire. I watched a good chunk of The Flash on The CW (the TV show) and their CG was better. So, ya know, not great for what was supposed to be a really big movie for the WB, or whatever the company's name is now. The babies in the big "save the babies" scene were faker than Bradley Cooper's baby in American Sniper. The alternate universe stuff at the end was hard to watch. Heck, the entirety of the alternate timeline stuff inside the Speed Force was hard to watch. I honestly didn't enjoy the big fight against the Kryptonians, either. Not sure if that was a CG issue or just the 50th Flash fight scene and it was just real old at that point issue... but whatever.

Alt Barry's laugh was hella annoying. It wasn't as prevalent as I had been lead to believe by Honest Trailers on YouTube, but yes it was annoying. His character... I honestly don't know what to think about it. Obviously Alt Barry didn't have the same maturing crap happen in his past, so he's gonna be more immature than Barry, but... yeah. I guess he was no more annoying than your average stoner college kid.

I really liked Michael Keaton back as Batman. I'm not really super nostalgic for him as a lot of fans, but he was fun. The fight scene in the kitchen was amusing and probably would have been more effective if they hadn't plastered Michael Keaton's face all over the promotional material. It's clear from the "never show his face" thing during that fight that he was supposed to be a surprise but... yeah. I especially liked his spaghetti analogy for the time-travel/alternate universe stuff. Fits right in with my other favorite quote about Time:

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbley-wobbly, timey-whimey, stuff." - The Doctor, Doctor Who

Also, the Batwing was the best Batwing ever. Like, that's what I'm looking for in my Batman. Not the latest in military tech, just a semi-realistic plane shaped like a bat. That I had nostalgia for. On a side note: my boyfriend did not recognize the Hans Zimmer Batman theme and I was very disappointed in him.

Supergirl was cool. No notes.

I was also completely forgot about the George Clooney cameo at the end and was alternately surprised and like "oh yeah..." about it. I definitely have a controversial view on George Clooney as Batman... I liked him in that movie even though that movie was definitely a dumpster fire. Still want my Bat-fleck movie, though...

Oh, and I did not think the Wonder Woman cameo deserved the music sting. It was very out of place. The Lasso of Truth bit here was loads funnier than the one in Justice League.

My boyfriend was very, very confused as to why Nick Cage was included in the alternate timelines at the end. I was highly amused and barely able to explain so... that was fun.

From my admittedly limited, casual Flash fan lens, I don't think the story really suffered from not having The Reverse Flash instead of Alt Barry. I have never really understood Reverse Flash's motivation in fucking up Barry's life, so having it be Barry the entire time made more sense to me. Also admittedly, this isn't a pure Flashpoint story... but it essentially is. Barry's motivation is obviously the same, even though he goes about it differently than more traditional Flashpoint story-lines do. I also clocked Alt Barry as whatever iteration of The Flash pushed Barry out of the Speed Force as soon as Alt Barry got shrapnel stuck in his arm... it was really obvious, though my boyfriend was more surprised a little later...

But yeah... I didn't absolutely hate The Flash. I probably won't watch it again unless my boyfriend decides that's something he needs to do. I wasn't even planning to write this review until it kept popping into my head so... yeah.